It may not seem like a big deal when you snap at friends or make promises that can't be kept. However, the effect of words on others can be very powerful.

Juliet Funt recently addressed the topic of verbal violence at Buffalo State College.

Funt focused her presentation on what she calls verbal blind spots , which are “spoken behaviors we either overlook or underestimate in effect.” In her full-day seminars, Funt addresses all 39 verbal blind spots, but in her one-hour presentation in Buffalo, she pointed out the problems specific to the audience.

The first issue discussed was over-promising or, “failing to achieve an alignment in word and deed.” With the pressure to have a job, go to school and be involved in extra-curricular activities, it's easy to become overwhelmed.

“College students are some of the most frenzied people,” Funt said.

She suggested using the acronym “N.O.W.” to choose which tasks are most important:

• N: Things that you need to do, such as laundry and brushing your teeth.
• O: Things that you are obligated to do. Funt said that these are things that aren't necessary or possibly not enjoyable, such as volunteering for a bake sale as a favor to a friend even though you have more pressing things to handle.
• W: These are things that you want to do, “the joys of your life,” according to Funt. Hobbies, friends and social activities fall into this category.

“Pay attention to the ‘O' category,” said Funt. “This is when the weightiness of someone else's opinion runs the show.”

Another verbal blind spot is assumption , which she says is “when you think you know what another person is thinking.”

There are two ways to avoid this problem:

• Wait: “If you let [a quiet person] percolate a little while, they might tell you what's wrong.”
• Check it out: ask if something is wrong.

While these may seem obvious, sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in making up stories about what the other person is thinking that it is easy to overlook the simple solutions.

Funt lists more examples of verbal blind spots in her article , “Toxic Words: Are you Trashing Your own Reputation?”.

Funt has spoken to students of all ages about the power of words. Her background as a human relations trainer for the Los Angeles Police Department, as well as acting as a liaison to Israel during a Palestinian/Israeli peace project, has made her well versed in the subject of communication.

The end of the semester is a particularly ripe time for unexplained outbursts or the silent treatment. It's easy to put too much on your plate and then have to deal with the consequences.

“If you have the commitment to understand how important how the words that come out of your mouth are, the more power you have to communicate,” said Funt.

Email: ickosl85@mail.buffalostate.edu