DEAN OF STUDENTS OFFICE

How do I know if I'm in an abusive relationship?

Does my boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse:

  1. Call or text frequently to find out where I am, who I’m with, or what I’m doing?
  2. Have to be with me all the time?
  3. Call me names, insult me, or criticize me?
  4. Act jealous, possessive, or controlling?
  5. Give orders or make all the decisions?
  6. Get angry very quickly or fight a lot?
  7. Threaten to hurt me, someone in my family, my pets, or him/herself?
  8. Follow me or show up uninvited?
  9. Isolate me or restrict my contact with family and friends?
  10. Want me to stop activities, attending school, or working?
  11. Shove, push, slap, pinch, kick, hit, strangle, or choke me?
  12. Touch or kiss me without my consent? Force me to have sex?
  13. Refuse to accept that the relationship is over?

Warning Signs of an Abusive Partner

  • Gets into fights with other individuals besides partner-fights in bars, sporting events, etc.
  • Cruel to animals or pets
  • Believes the man should make all the decisions- where you go, who you can go with, what you wear, etc.
  • Is a possessive individual (not just jealous, treats you like a possession)
  • Outbursts of temper for little or no reason
  • Blames others for his actions
  • Wants control over partner's actions
  • Want to go everywhere with partner, doesn’t want partner to do anything alone (without him)
  • Wants all attention focused on him
  • Tries to isolate partner from family and friends
  • Doesn't know how to appropriately deal with stress or anger
  • Moods change quickly
  • May have an arrest record involving assaults
  • Lacks self-esteem

Danger Signs of Abusive Relationships

  • You are frightened of your partner's temper.
  • You are very careful about what you say or often feel like “you’re walking on egg shells” because you are afraid to hurt your partner's feelings or afraid of partner's anger.
  • Apologizing to others for partner's behavior when treated badly.
  • Being hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you by partner when he/she was jealous/angry.
  • Making decisions about activities and friends according to how your partner will react.
  • Extreme jealousy is not a sign of love, a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust.
  • Controlling behavior- controls your time, how it is spent, who you can see or talk to, controls your money, makes decisions for you.
  • Quick involvement- abuser will pressure partner to commit to the relationship in such a way that later the partner may feel very guilty when wanting to break off the relationship.
  • Unrealistic expectations:  s/he wants expects you to be perfect partner.
  • Blames others for problems- abuser makes mistakes and then blames partner, anything that goes wrong is blamed on partner.
  • Blames others for feelings- "you make me mad", "you are hurting me by not doing what I want you to do."